August
7, 2009
At
The Top: New DESKTOP/WALLPAPER & BANANAS -
At the top of the News for Friday
August 8, 2009:
 New Desktop Available - Hi,
hello, and what do ya know?! It's time to avoid the foaming at the
mouth and announce this week's Friday Desktop Edition.
That means there's one NEW
Wallpaper/Desktop available
for you in the NEW GOO Department.
Bananas - Did somebody say
"wipe that smile off your face?" HA! Ain't gonna happen. In fact, we're peeling
back the skins of those smelly overripe Bananas to
let the fun begin and the grumpiness end. Take that, ya over-zealous party
poopers!
Alrighty then. Now that we have all of the informalities
out of the way, me thinks it's time to get this show a rollin' and have nothin'
but a good time. What do you say? Do you think we can do it? Will all the
naysayers say "I"? Let's just do it!
Support The Community
- Visit This Great Site!
NEW
GOO!
New Desktop -
Having "No Service" on in the middle of nowhere with your trusted
cell phone provider isn't exactly everybody's idea of a peachy time. But
when you have a tried and true multi-media center and then some right on
your iPhone, being out in the boonies is not so awful bad as the
Master of Monkiness demonstrates
in his latest pic.
Nature - Somehow, someway,
nature's nourishment keeps fortifying the pixels  of
Mr. Monkie's photographic lens. Back in May, Bradford
Wiles and his cohort
in crime - Agent Lilac - took a trek out into the "sticks" at
the far end of Hat Six Road and headed toward Smith Creek through winding
roads, "Spring
Creek", and quite a few bumps in the road. And the result was another
splendid splash with some paint-like modifications - soon to become Smith
Creek II ("Painted")! Yes, it is number
two in the series of variation. And it took forever to pick just one. So
you know what that means...Expect more of the same but different...Enjoy!
Thanks Department --
To all of you...
For taking the time to stop by for a view!
THANK YOU!
Have a piece you want to display?
Check out our Submissions guidelines
and then send it in!
BANANAS
Just Plain Nutz!
Old Fart Football
An old man and his wife have gone to bed. After laying there
a few minutes the old man farts and says, "Seven
Points." His wife rolls over and says, "What in the world was that?" The
old man replied, "It's
fart football...I just scored."
A few minutes later the wife lets one go and says, "Touchdown, tie
score."
After about five minutes the old man farts again and says, "Touchdown,
I'm ahead 14 to 7."
Not to be out done the wife rips another one and says, "Touchdown,
tie score."
Five seconds go by and she lets out a squeaker and says, "Field goal,
I lead 17 to 14."
Now the pressure's on and the old man refuses to get beat by a woman so
he strains real hard but to no avail.
Realizing a defeat is totally unacceptable, he gives it everything he has,
but instead of farting, he poops the bed.
The wife looks and says, "What the heck was that?"
The old man replied, "Half-time, Switch sides."
In The Beginning?
A little girl asked her mother, "How did the human
race appear?" The mother answered, "God made Adam and Eve and they
had children, and so was all mankind made."
Two days later the girl
asked her father the same question. The father answered, "Many
years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved."
The
confused girl returned to her mother and said, "Mom, how is it
possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad
said they developed from monkeys?"
The mother answered, "Well,
dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family and
your father told you about his."
Worm Free
Will was trying to to teach his son the evils of alcohol. He put a worm
in a glass of water and another in a glass of whiskey. The worm in the water
lived while the one in the whiskey curled up and died.
"All right, son," Said Will, "what does that show you?"
"Well
dad, it shows that if you drink alcohol you will not have worms."
Kitchen Cowboys
There are 2 cowboys in the kitchen. Which one is the real cowboy?
The one
on the range.
OOPS!
A: Just look at that young person with the short hair and
blue jeans. Is it a boy or a blonde?
B: It's a blonde. She's my daughter.
A: Oh, I'm sorry, sir.
I didn't know that you were her father.
B: I'm not. I'm her mother.
August
5, 2009
On The Net | Monkie
News | Bananas
 At
The Top: New Software Updates, New Desktop Friday, & Bananas -
At the top of the News for Wednesday August 5, 2009:
New Software Updates - Found
down On
The Net is
software news with the release of PhoneFace for iPhone,
as well as a special
software bundle including TaskTime4.
Monkie News - Get yourself
ready for a brand new Desktop/Wallpaper headed your way this Friday from
the Master Madness and of maker of MacMonkies Wile E. Monkie. Details can
be found in Monkie News.
Bananas - One day only sale!
Two overripe Bananas for the price of Wednesday. Grab your vine, swing on
down, and get your laugh before they really stink!
ON THE NET
Software Updates
PhoneFace for iPhone Released - Electric
Pocket is now
introducing its PhoneFace  photo
speed-dial application for the iPhone - the first of its kind to connect
with Twitter to retrieve profile photos of frequently called contacts. This
very popular application among users of BlackBerry and Android smartphones
allows you to flick through big photos of your friends and family to connect
by phone, text or email. Pick photos from your iPhone, use our funky avatars
- or grab photos from Twitter! PhoneFace for iPhone is brand new - and its
available now in the App
Store. Check it out!
TaskTime4 Available in Software Bundle -
A special announcement from comes our way from the folks at To•The•Point
Software! For a limited time, save a bundle and get TaskTime4 -
the app that provides a straightforward method of tracking time spent on
jobs - along with 11 other great programs for only $49.95 at TheMacBundles.com.
What more can ya say to that? Get it while the price is hot!
MONKIE NEWS
New GOO This Friday - Goodness
GUI me! It's been tough picking up this week's Desktop/Wallpaper pic, but
it's been done plucked out of the litter picker. Though this Monkie is a
bit biased, me thinks you won't want to miss it. Be here or be square this
Friday!
BANANAS
Just Plain Nutz!
Toilet Paper
A rather attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures
alluringly to the barman who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she
seductively signals that he should bring his face close to hers. When he
does so, she begins to gently caress his beard which is full and bushy.
"Are you the manager?" she asks, softly stroking his face with
both hands.
"Actually, no" he replies.
"Can you get him for me - I need to speak to him?" she asks, running
her hands up beyond his beard and into his hair.
"I'm afraid I can't" breathes the barman - clearly aroused. "Is
there anything I can do?"
"Yes there is. I need you to give him a message" she continues
huskily, popping a couple of her fingers fingers into his mouth and allowing
him to lick them. "Tell him that there is no toilet paper in
the ladies room."
Acceptance Upon Rejection
Dear Mr. Conners,
Thank you for your letter of February 17th. After careful consideration
I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me
employment with your company.
This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually large
number of rejection letters. With such a varied and promising field of candidates
it is impossible for me to accept all refusals.
Despite Company 203's outstanding qualifications and previous experience
in rejecting applicants, I find that your rejection does not meet my needs
at this time. Therefore I will initiate employment with your firm immediately
following graduation. I look forward to seeing you then.
August
3, 2009
Monkie
Business | Bananas
 At
The Top: Monday Morn -
Some days, I just don't get it. And well, other days I just don't get it.
The world gets even nuttier than the day before. And the people in it are
just plain nutz. If I were to tell a tale or two, you would just look at
me and shake your head...REALLY! Butt...Oops! That should be BUT...The
details to those tails are shrouded in toilet paper - at least for now.
But oh, you just wait and see... Till then, Monkie
Biz & Bananas...
MONKIE
BUSINESS
Odds and Ends
COLD! - It only
snows about 2 inches per year over most of Antarctica. The coldest temperature
ever recorded on Earth was in Antarctica: minus 128.6 degrees Fahrenheit.
Dip Drip - A dripping
hot water faucet wastes an average of 40 kilowatt-hours of electricity per
month. This is the equivalent of running a color television 8 hours a day
for about 31 days.
Honesty, Honestly - There is only one way
to find out if a man is honest...ask him. If he says 'yes', you know he
is crooked.
- Groucho Marx
Innovation Ain't Cheap -
Pretty much, Apple and Dell are the only ones in this industry making money.
They make it by being Wal-Mart. We make it by innovation.
- Steve Jobs
Parting Shot - If all do
not join now to save the good old ship of the Union this voyage nobody will
have a chance to pilot her on another voyage.
- Abraham Lincoln
BANANAS
Just Plain Nutz!
Bumper Stickers
If That Phone Was Up Your Butt, Maybe You Could Drive A
Little Better.
Constipated People Don't Give A Crap.
If At First You Don't Succeed...Blame Someone Else And
Seek Counseling.
Wailing Wall
A journalist assigned to the Jerusalem bureau takes an apartment
overlooking the Wailing Wall. Every day when she looks out, she sees an old
Jewish man praying vigorously. So, the journalist goes down and introduces
herself to the old man.
She asks, "You come every day to the wall. How long have you done that
and what are you praying for?" The old man replies, "I have come
here to pray every day for 25 years. In the morning I pray for world peace
and then for the brotherhood of man. I go home have a cup of tea and I come
back and pray for the eradication of illness and disease from the earth."
The journalist is amazed. "How does it make you feel to come here every
day for 25 years and pray for these things?" she asks.
The old man looks at her sadly. "Like I'm talking to a wall."
Bad Golfer
A golfer took his tee shot and watched the ball sail into the woods. His
next shot went into a few trees. He tried again and managed to hit the ball
over the fairway and into more trees. Finally, after several more shots,
he ended up in a sand trap.
Throughout his ordeal, he was under the watchful eye of the local golf pro.
"What club should I use on this shot?" he asked the pro.
"I don't know," the pro replied. "What game are you playing?"
Sign - Gas Station
A sign at a gas Station.
"Eat Here. Get Gas."
Zooooo Ugly
Your momma is so ugly...
When I took her to the zoo, the zookeeper thanked me for bringing her back.
Previous Edition
the Bottom Line
(What more did you expect?! ) |
|
