January
8-9, 2005
Bananas
Weekend Edition
Cowboys and Lightbulbs
How many country western singers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Five. One to take out the old one and four to sing about how much they are
going to miss it.
Our Stupid Apartment's On Fire!
Two blondes realize that their apartment is on fire and go out onto the
balcony.
"Help, help!" yells one of the blondes.
"Help us, help us!" yells the other.
"Maybe it would help if we yelled together," said the first blonde.
"Good idea," said the other.
"Together, together!"
Car Dealership Funny
I went to a car dealership to look at cars, and saw a sign that read, "If
you want to get back on your feet, miss a car payment."
It Ain't Surgery
A plumber attended to a leaking faucet at a neurosurgeon's house. After
a 2 minute job, he demanded $75.
"I don't charge this amount even though
I'm a surgeon."
"You're right -- that's why I switched from surgery
to plumbing!"
January
7, 2005
Icons | On
The Net | Bananas
 At The Top - Zing, zang! A-boom-bah-lah-dah
bing bang! It's the end of the week and I've gone CRAZY! Okay, you can't
travel to a place that you already are. But now that ye ol' Friday
Icon Edition is here, there's a great group of GUI goodies to get crazy about.
Plus we've got some SW News On The Net and Bananas to add to all the zing
zang zaniness out and about the Monkie Parlour. So hang on to your seats.
We're about to end the week's yuckies with a bing bang of fun...BOOM!
New GOO!
New Icons -
Are you ready to party pixel style? Then pull out those party hats and horns
as we prepare to turn up the fun with this week's Icon Edition! You're about
to find 3 New Icon Sets that will blow your GUI mind. Let's do it to it!
 Pixel
Game Icons - Bringing bunches of icon
fun in the sun is more of the wonderful works of Pixel
Game Icons' Arno!
Giving the Mario Brothers a bold beam of GUI goodness, Arno presents Super
Mario Sunshine. This most excellent selection of super-sized
GameCube characters will make your GUI view the winner with every eye-play!
 David
Kersten - In for another boast of
hi-tech icon finesse is David
Kersten with his compilation of gaming delights
in PSP Icons. This cleverly
crafted set of seven PlayStation Portables features almost every angle
imaginable, and even includes a view of the PSP disc. Altogether, it's
a great way to "play" with these in your DT view!
 Everaldo Coelho - Lastly, but most certainly
not leastly, is a most amazing amount of fun from one of our favorite
icon crafters - Everaldo Coelho.
This week we get a blast of toons with Everaldo's latest set titled Cartoon.
Inside you'll find how new technology meets up with cool cartoon style
to create a timeless collection! Enjoy!
Thanks Department --
Arno, Everaldo, and David...
It's always an honor to serve up your creations
Here at MacMonkies!
THANK YOU!
Wanna share your work with the world?
Send Us Your Icons!
On The Net
The Omni Group - Great news in from the fine
Mac app folks from The Omni Group! Two new updates have been announced with
the release of OmniWeb 5.1 and OmniOutliner
3.0. Let's have a look:
OmniWeb 5.1 -The web browser which received
an Editor's Choice award from Macworld Magazine, now delivers the integration
of the latest Apple WebCore rendering engine, caching changes that have
dramatically improved OmniWeb's history browsing performance, and more!
OmniOutliner 3.0 - The Omni
Group has released a major new upgrade to their outlining and organizational
application along with the pro version, OmniOutliner 3.0 Professional.
Included in the new version are many new options for styling and editing
documents, as well as support for attachments, new export options, inline
notes, improved AppleScript support, a batch find feature, and much more.
With all of that great news coming from one place, a simple click over
to The Omni Group will get you updated
on the complete details and downloads for OmniWeb and OmniOutliner.
Go get 'em!
Bananas
Just Plain Nutz!
Redneck Meets Bill Gates
If you think Bill Gates is some kind of security policy, you might be a
redneck.
The Florist's Twins
Did you hear about the florist's twins?
Why yes! One was a budding genius and the other was a blooming idiot.
Space Monkeys
NASA decided to send a shuttle into space with two monkeys and an astronaut.
They trained them for months. Then when they thought they were all ready,
they placed all three in the shuttle and got ready to send them up into space.
As the moment came closer NASA's mission control center announced, "This
is mission control to Monkey One. Do your stuff."
At that the first monkey started typing like mad and suddenly the shuttle's
engines ignited and the shuttle took off.
Two hours later NASA's mission control center announced, "This is mission
control to Monkey Two. Do your stuff."
At that the second monkey started typing like mad and suddenly the shuttle
separated from the empty fuel tanks.
Another two hours later NASA's mission control center announced, "This
is mission control to the astronaut..."
At this the astronaut shouted "I know, I know. Feed the monkeys and don't
touch anything."
Tatonka Redux
What did the father buffalo say to the son buffalo when he left for school?
Bison!
January
6, 2005
Monkie News | Network
News
Monkie News
Heads Up: New Icons and More -
Well, well, well! What have we here?  We've made it past the hump day blues
and are now on the down side of the slope racing toward the week's end fun
- your Friday Icon Edition! Yuppers, there's plenty of those fine little
iconized pixel pleasers headed your way in only a day. On top of it all, I'm
pleased to tell you that the Bean is back! My trusty assistant and the
Nose for News has safely returned from her adventures in Africa without so
much as an elephant bite. So now that you're in the know, we can get to some
news worthy events from around the web! - And you all can breathe a sigh of
relief that you don't have to listen to me run at the mouth as much!
Network
News
the WebWorld -
BeanHead
Berklee Requires PowerBook
G4s - The famed college of music called  Berklee considers the Mac
Powerbook G4 so much an asset to its students that it has made the Macs
a requirement. There was no question with the faculty when it came to choosing
Macs. After putting the Powerbooks into play for just one year they could
tell that Berklee students were much better prepared for the world of music.
The computers are configured using XServe, and students create as well
as share their music on the machines. -
from Apple
The iDoctor Is In -
The Apple iPod is being used in the medical field to simplify medical imagery.
Medical personnel have developed a program for the iPod to maneuver medical
photos. Radiologists have run across many problems when trying to find enough
space to store pictures at work, but once again iPod has saved the day. Medical
professionals use the iPod for presentations and research, and they still
have room to store some of their favorite songs too. -
from EWeek
Radar Renders Departure Data - Flight departure
and arrival times are being  flashed for the first time via radar in Fresno
airport terminals. The wireless radar, which is web-based, generates flight
information on its own, rather than relying on information from airlines.
Passur FlightLink is the name of the new flight fact finder, which is a system
operated by software. It provides the airport with a relatively inexpensive
way to relay more reliable flight information. -
from Excite
January
5, 2005
Desktops | Community
News | Bananas
At The Top - Whoa doggies! Talk about your
tough task toggling back  between
Holiday "vacation" time and the grind of ye ol' Monkie block. Ah, but it's
all well worth the while as we have a great round of pixel pleasures readied
up for your Wednesday
Desktop Edition. And
of course, the biggest reward is having all of you to view the magnificent
GOO! So though the work is back for attack, there's plenty to fight back
with fun by the way of New GOO, Community News, and Bananas too. Let's boogie!
New GOO!
New Desktops -
What time is it? Time to slide into the New Year with this week's Desktop
Edition! Now you can add a fresh coat of paint to your computer view with 4
New Desktops from four fabulous artists. Let's get the Monkie mouth
a walkin' and let the pixels do the talkin'!
Fun -
Francisco "SpongeBob" Bennett kicks off this week's round  of fun with
his 6 month design in the making: Sheldon
J. Plankton. This all too cool pic from XÅERO
Graphics Design Studio portrays the technologically savvy, deep-voiced
zooplankter with one central eye from the SpongeBob SquarePants series.
Though the smallest of the main characters, Francisco skillfully
brings Plankton to a larger than life state for your eyes to enjoy!
Desktops -
Master desktop spinster Nate Dashiki gives
us a  groovin' round
of playables with Gabe
On Tables. You'll find a most mesmerizing experience in this selection
as the subject is playing double duty in turning a one task turntable
into two. Kinda makes you dizzy just thinking about it! Nevertheless,
this number makes for a great shot to add spizazz to your own desktop
disc. Get down, get funky!
ZOIKS!
Hold back your brains...Your eyes are about to go  psychodelia as we
present the latest pupil teaser from Bob
Wiley titled Blue
Flower Tile Room. Bob states that "someday he wants a house with
this tile on the wall...Not the whole room, of course." You may not
catch a full appreciation for the effects found in this pic's small
preview, so your desktop would be a great place to start...A whole
room? Oh my!!!
3-D
Rendered - Whenever viewing a creation by the ever talented  3-D
artist
Juergen Eilts, you have to ask yourself, "Is it real, or ShiftedReality?"
Even after answering, you'll find yourself most amazed with an eye shot
of Old
Stone Stairs. While you're virtually walking through this
embodiment of nature, a sense of serenity will begin setting in and your
senses will take you to the next step of pixel pleasure. Enjoy!
Thanks Department --
Francisco, Nate, Juergen, and Bob...
Your most excellent abilities keep the GUI
community rockin'!
THANK YOU!
Have a piece you want to display?
Check out our Submissions guidelines
and then send it in!
Community News
Live Pencil - Ready to liven things up for
this brand New Year? Then get a fresh new batch of fun from Live
Pencil! Here's a look at what's in store:
- New EMOTICONS - A flower for you.
- New EMOTICONS - Cheers, my friend!!!
- New EMOTICONS - Love me, love me
not...
- New EMOTICONS - Talk to the hand and Shhhhh...
Now that you have the skinny, make like a quick pixel and emote over to Live
Pencil for a full view of the fun!
Bananas
Just Plain Nutz!
Socialized Time
Two Social workers driving home from work. One says, "What time is
it?"
The other says, "Sorry. Don't Know. I don't have a watch."
First
one responds, "Never mind. At least we talked about it."
- Thanks to Max Tickner!
St. Peter And The Blondes
Three blondes died and are up talking to St. Peter. He says, "I have
one question and if you get it I will let you into heaven."
He asks the first blonde, "What is Easter?"
She answers, "Oh, that's that one time of the year when our whole family
gets together and we eat turkey."
St. Peter just shakes his head and says to the next blonde, "What is
Easter?"
She answers, "Oh, that is the time of year when our family gets together
and we all open presents and the fat jolly guy comes down the chimney."
Again St. Peter just shakes his head. He asks the third blonde, "What
is Easter?"
She says, "Oh that's when Christ died and they put him in a tomb and
rolled a rock in front of it."
St. Peter smiles and urges, "Yes...go on."
The blonde continues, "Then once a year we roll the stone away and
he comes out and if he sees his shadow we have six more weeks of winter."
Redneck Cookin'
You know you're a redneck when your flyswatter doubles as your spatula!
Elephant Farts vs. Saloon
What's the difference between a saloon and an elephant fart?
One's a bar
room and the other is a BAROOOOM!
January
4, 2005
Monkie News | Community
News | Monkie
Business
Monkie News
Tomorrow: New Desktops - Good
day, sunshine! Another fabulous day has  come and went (even though it was
merely a Monday). And though the weekend is already makin' you wait, anticipation
of your mid week over-the-hump Wednesday Desktop Edition will be making it
great! We've got the Monkie griddles warmed up as we're preparing those GUI
goodies that everyone enjoys. So slip back tomorrow for Desktop fun in the
sun, News, and all kinds of Bananas gone coconutz. See you then!
Bean To Be Back - As I mentioned
a long, long time ago in a galaxy far, far  away, Monkie writer Ms. Tina "BeanHead"
Spicer took an extended leave to visit family across the seas in Africa.
But the girl with the whirl is now headed back to the states to return to
the madness of the Monkie House. Until she is back and unpacked, you're still
stuck with me! Since I know that her shoes are hard to fill, I will simply
fill in her usual Network News with a little of bit of Monkie Business, one
of the things I do best. But before we do, let's get on with some news!
Community News
iClip Award! - Our friends over at Inventive,
Inc. have informed us that iClip,  their award winning
productivity software for Mac OS X, has been named one of the top 10 Mac
products of 2004 by Macsimum News! iClip enables users to quickly store,
organize, and access snippets of information without having to save them
as entire documents. Other products in the top 10 list were Apple's iMac
G5, iPod photo and iPod mini.
According to Inventive's President John Casasanta, "2004 has been a
very exciting year for Inventive. It's so rewarding to get recognition for
all the hard work we've put into iClip and we're extremely proud to be acknowledged
along with such great Mac products as the iMac G5 and the iPod."
We couldn't agree more! So if you haven't already checked out this made
for Mac cool tool, get yourself over to Inventive and get a good look at
the award winning iClip today!
Monkie Business
Odds and Ends
Weird Facts
If the population of China walked past you, in single file, the line would
never end because of the rate of reproduction.
The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and
a chocolate bar melted in his pocket.
If you are an average American, in your whole life, you will spend an average
of 6 months waiting at red lights.
Golden Oldie
The first person ever awarded a gold record was Glenn Miller for "Chattanooga
Choo-Choo."
Cold Crime
Temperature and crime are correlated. Many more crimes are committed in
the hot summer months than in the cold winter months.
January
3,
2005
Community News | On
The Net | Monkie
News | Monkie
Business | Bananas
At
The Top - Good golly, Miss Molly! Where do we
begin? Well for starters,  the last week of "rest" was
wonderful, though we did miss ya! But perhaps more important,
we hope you will have a great New Year in '05! Though
we did experience a few bumps in the last year, 2004
saw a great deal of growth for MacMonkies. For December
alone, we broke our monthly traffic records as we received
7.5 million hits, 124,603 visitors, and
transferred nearly 70 gigs of GUI goodies. Simply said,
thank you for making this happen!
There's much more to be said, but we've got a packed Monday
Edition to tend to. So let's first get to News from around the web, and then
you can read more of what's happening around the Monkie Halls in the Monkie
News. So are ya ready? Let's do it to it!
Community News
XÅERO Design Studio -
As of December 28, 2004, XÅERO
Design Studio announced version 3 of their new
site! Along with this new launch,
they have a multitude of new features to bring. Let's
have a look:
- QMC Webshop v2, your source
of Quality Meats and Chesses! At the newly redesign
Webshop you can purchase pre-made PSD templates starting
from $0.99 - $5.00.
- XÅERO v3, our creative studio for the
creative professional on the go. XÅERO’s
line of creative designs offers works of the highest
quality.
- XÅERO Desktop Design v4, our professional desktop
designs for everyday Mac & PC users.
All this and much more are in store from the clever
GUI crafters of XÅERO
Design Studio. Hurry over and check 'em out!
 DV Graphics - Paul Sahner
and company have announced some cool new changes at DV
Graphics! January 1st saw the
reopening of Paul's popular Iconize
Me!, the design service that caricaturises your face
and transforms you into the ultimate icon. New to the
service is a feature called Digital Ink that increases
quality 10-fold and offers it to the customers at no
additional cost.
In addition to launching the new Iconize Me! service,
DV Graphics has also unveiled a brand new main site design
with a "new" retro look dating back an entire century!
So if you want to look back at the good ol' days while
being on the cutting edge of caricature design, make
your trip through time with a click to DV
Graphics!
Live Pencil - Need a great
way to top your New Year festivities? Then howz about
a HAPPY NEW YEAR from Live
Pencil! Yessirree Bob...There's plenty New's in
for you to view. Here's what's in store:
- New EMOTICONS - HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!
- New EMOTICONS - HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!
- New EMOTICONS -
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!
- Just for fun FIND THE 10 DIFFERENCES -
Christmas cookies.
So though the New Year's celebration has already come
and went, you can continue to party pixel style with
all the latest from Live
Pencil!
On The Net
 FontCard
1.2.4 - Recently
announced from the fine haxie folks at Unsanity
LLC is the availability of FontCard
1.2.4, a Mac app that modifies the Font menu in
Carbon and Cocoa applications. This
update addresses several bugs and adds improved support
for Adobe and Quark applications. So if you're looking
for a great way to view and access your fond found fonts,
head to Unsanity and
grab your copy of FontCard today!
Monkie News
New In The Zoo: Updated Design -
PHEW! Though we did take a break from  updates over the
last week, this ol' Monkie was chipping away the old
paint and replacing it with the latest Monkie look. I
mentioned before taking hiatus that the entire site should
be in conformity by the time we returned. WHOOPS! There
was a lot more work than I had anticipated. So I had
to take a break to make the break really a break!
Regardless, much work was accomplished. Currently up
to snuff are the following Departments: Fun, Etc...,
Logos, Nature, and Monkie
Bundles. The Cool Software section (previously known as Recommended Software) is
almost complete. It now has been split up into two subdivisions
with a Classic and OS X section. The latter of these
two is soon to come.
The Desktop Department was updated from Page 40 to 50
(only 39 pages to go). And next up after that is the
Icons Department, 3-D Department, and the Music & Sound.
Makes me tired just typing about it, but I think that
about covers it.
Once all the changes are in place, we hope to get other
Monkie features back in place such as the Featured Link,
Apevine, and Very Ape. Okay then...Now that I have winded
myself with the update news, let's move on to the lighter
side of the Monkie!
Monkie Business
Odds and Ends
19th Century Computer Programs -
In 1843, mathematician Ada Byron published the first
computer programs. She based them on Jacquard's punch-card
idea. Her programs were for the first general-purpose
mechanical digital computer that had just been invented
by Charles Babbage.
Relatively Presidential -
George W. Bush and John F. Kerry are related!
According to Time Magazine, "You have to go back to the
late 1500s to make this connection, but the former presidential
rivals are very distant cousins." And how about Hugh
Hefner. "President Bush and Senator Kerry share another
famous cousin, the founder of the Playboy empire. Hef's
ninth cousin twice removed of the President's."
Snoozing Through The Storm - In
1981, a tornado lifted a baby from its pram in the Italian
city of Ancona. The baby was carried 50 feet into the
air and set down safely 300 feet away — without
waking.
Life: A Game Of Chess -
One cannot play chess if one becomes aware of the pieces
as living souls and of the fact that the Whites and the
Blacks have more in common with each other than with
the players. Suddenly one loses all interest in who will
be champion.
- Anatole Rapoport
The Reality Of Reality -
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it,
doesn't go away.
- Philip K.
Dick
Bananas
Just Plain Nutz!
Lawyers and Lightbulbs
How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light
bulb?
Four: one to climb the ladder, one to hold the ladder,
one to shake the ladder and one to sue the ladder company.
North and South Part II
The North has Cream of Wheat or Oatmeal
The South has grits
The North has green salads
The South has collard greens and chitlins
The North has lobsters
The South has crawdads
The North has Distilleries, Breweries, and liquor stores
The South has stills, shine, and them ridge runners
The North has the rust belt
The South has the Bible Belt
Blonde's Brain At Work
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all work at the
same office for a female boss who always goes home early.
"Hey, girls," says the brunette, "let's
go home early tomorrow. She'll never know."
So the next day, they all leave right after the boss
does. The brunette gets some extra gardening done, the
redhead goes to a bar, and the blonde goes to a diner
to find her husband on a date flirting with the female
boss! She quietly sneaks out and returns
at her normal time.
"That was fun," says the brunette. "We
should do it again sometime."
"No way," says the blonde. "I almost
got caught."
Rump Roastin'
Q: What did the butcher say when he backed into the
meat-grinder?
A: Looks like I'm getting a little behind in my work!
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